Drummer Cafe Community Forum

I am getting married on June 7th and really want to be able to incorporate me playing drums in the wedding ceremony since it is such a big passion of mine. We haven't been able to figure out a good way to do it. Everything seems like it just wouldn't work. Does anyone have any ideas for me? I am losing hope that I will be able to play.

Congrats!  Are you having a reception after the wedding?  If so, maybe you could play there?  I'd suggest involving  your wife in a show... that could be a highlight at the reception while everyone is eating...

LOL these few sentences say it all.  Sorry, I find it kinda funny, me being married and all as well. 

You have to let go of drumming at times when you are married and sometimes it feels like it is the hardest thing in the world to do, but remember that other person is more important than drumming or should be anyways.

Take a week or two off and forget about drumming is my advice if you absolutely have to get married.  I didn't play for a couple of weeks when I got hitched; It was actually nice.

When the honeymoon is over you can stay out all night playing gigs/rehearsing/recording whatev!  And boy that can test a marriage- believe me!

BUT if you hire the band see if they will let you sit in on a tune- should not be a big deal I guess if you are really paying big bucks for them!   :)

I'm with felix on this one.   You just need to let it go for a while.  I hope some woman doesn't read this post.  We'll have another of those women's email jokes where the poor husband does something he thinks is innocent and the wife kills him and the judge lets the wife off.  I hate those emails but my wife laughs like a maniac every time a new one comes in.  Please for the sake of MANkind leave your sticks at the door.  Even if your bride to be is okay with it some other woman there will find a way to make fun of it.   

I'm soon to be engaged (if she says yes  ::)) and already wondering about reception music, too.  Most of my bandmates are good friends and will be invited to the wedding (some may be groomsmen).  I know they're going to be willing and excited to play at the reception, but I feel like it would be wrong of me to be behind the kit, tux and all, for any big portion of the night.

I have an idea that involves one of my usual bands, but with a fill-in drummer.  I would play just a handful of songs, maybe, and spend the rest of the night dancing with wife and family. 

We'll see...

I would just let go of the idea.  Have a nice time, mingle with your guests.  If you hire a friend's band to play and they ask you to sit it - sit in for a couple and then get back to enjoying your reception.

I was married back in February. Being that I play in a band that plays lots of weddings (and my trumpet player was my best man) a lot of people asked me if my band was going to play. That was a big NEGATIVE. I told everyone in my band that they get the night off and to come to the reception and have a good time. Leave your gear at home.

We even (gasp!) hired a DJ for the receptoin instead of a band because my bride was (understandably) afraid that I would just watch the band all night and critique them instead of having fun.  ;D

I told the band to ‘black out’ 2 weeks in February because I’m not playing any gigs the week of or the week after my wedding. I actually missed playing a gig at the Toyota Center for an Obama political rally. They got to have their picture taken with him and he even thanked them by name in his speech. They had a sub drummer.

Do yourself (and your future wife) a favor and take some time off. It will show her that she is the most important thing in your life.

Anyway, congrats! I love being married, even though it’s only been 6 weeks. Best decision I’ve ever made and I wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING.

PS. There are other ways to incorporate drumming into your wedding. My grooms cake was a gigantic snare drum with 2 huge white-chocolate drumsticks.

Get on the Floor Tom ala "Sing, Sing, Sing" and have your bride strut down the aisle. Makes for a nice wedding march.  ;)

I didn't play during the actual ceremony, but my groomsmen did. Once all the groomsmen and bridesmaids entered, the groomsmen stepped forward to form a jazz quartet (piano, bass, drums, sax) and played an instrumental version of Nat King Cole's "Unforgettable" as my bride entered; that was our wedding march.

You could play during the reception if you are planning on having a band. That's what I did. My musician friends as well as groomsmen played during the reception, and I got up and played drums on a tune ... I think just one.

I don't know if that helps at all, but that's what we did. We had live music, and I was NOT watching the band. My bride had my full, undivided attention.

Bart, that's one of the nicest musician weddings I've ever heard of, and I've played for many weddings over the years.  ;)
I got a pass from the Army band. Came from Colorado Springs to Minnesota and got married in my parents living room. I wore my Army "dress blues" and my wife made her own wedding dress. She done a wonderful job on it. A friend was a professional photographer and took our wedding photos. My aunt baked our cake and done a beautiful job on it also. Our honeymoon was spent driving back to Colorado. Then it was back to work again playing music. Even tho it was a very small wedding, we're just as married as anyone else. In April we've been married 40 years.

My band played my wedding... including me.

This is my third. My wife loves that I am a musician and couldn't see it happening any other way.

I am ok with laying down sticks for the wedding and even before and after. No big deal. My fiance is all for me playing though because we would like to incorporate some of our biggest passions into the wedding if we can. We figure the wedding might as well be a reflection of who we are. She has no problem with my drumming because it has never really come before her. I have shown her already that she is more important to me than drumming is. I have teased her otherwise, of course, but my actions have proven to her that she is way above drumming in my eyes.

My buddy, Steve Jackson, got married a few years back and he handled kind of differently. Most of the guest list was musician friends that he's played with and he arranged with some specific guests/musicians to put together basically two bands, with him playing drums with both. Now everybody is pretty much a jazz musician, so it wasn't really a casual reception/club date kind of thing. One group was Ned Otter, Shunzo Ohno, Jamie Fox and me; the other was Peter Brainin, Chris Karlic, Masuo Yoshiaki and Carlo DeRosa . After the ceremony, various of us (bass and guitar, bass guitar and horn, two guitars etc.) would hit the stand during the cocktail hour and dinner to play background music. After dinner, Steve came up and the two groups basically played a straight up jazz set as if it was a concert presentation.

(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v424/bassbird/YQuintet1.jpg)

My vote is for:

- Fuhgettabout playing at the ceremony

- Play some tunes at the reception

My vote is forget about playing at the ceremony and the reception.
Have a day/night off (I did).
We hired a classical saxophone quartet.....and I didn't sit in.

A friend of mine had a cool wedding.  He's a drummer with his church's worship band and she's the vocalist/leader of her church's worship band.  After the ceremony, members of both worship bands got up together and played a set.  It was great. 

I guess it just depends on the situation and how you lay everything out.  I'm surprised how many of us said to just forget about playing.  I was inactive when I got married so I never thought about playing.  If my wife and I were getting married today, we'd play something together (she sings) somewhere along the line.  Absolutely. 

Maybe she'd be into you guys getting married in KISS makeup ;D

i think you set your drums up in the middle of the reception and play a 30 minute drum solo   a la ginger baker/keith moon/john bonham.

that'll get em! ;)

since i've decided to marry my own bad self, i no longer worry about such matters.

 ;D

i am with the majority on this [for once!] if you're gonna play, save it for the reception, and focus the tune on something wedding-ish. the ceremony focus should be on you(s) two. personally, i'd find it tacky to hear drums at a wedding ceremony.

can you sing? if so, do a rendition of 'at last' whilst playing brushes and singing. that'll bring a tear to everyone's eye.


'specially if you sing bad!


ba-dump CRASH!


congrats on the happy day :D

Our son just go married...it went really well.....I played some light latin/folk stuff with a guitar player as people came in...after the ceremony, we played a reggae set together, ending with Rastaman Chant. For that song we invited hand drummers to come and join us..I brought 2 djembes and 3 congas...and percussion stuff....

After that I taught the drummers a quick version of a West African rhythm called Kuku....lots of dancing..they loved it....we switched out drummers a few times...and I joined back on the set....great fun...my arms were sore for a couple of days from the conga and hand drumming...overdid it....!

OK, you must be like the coolest Dad EVER!  ;)

Seriously, that will be me someday. Does your son play as well?

When my buddy got married many years ago, he had a marimba quartet playing all the music at the ceremony. It was really a nice change of pace. Very different, yet still traditional at the same time.