Wow ... there's a lot to talk about there. I'll address a couple of things, then post a little later to talk share a bit more.
Musicians, or creative people I should say, view their music and what they do as a very personal thing; it's like their baby. So they are protective of it, and often times don't want advice on what to do or not do with their "baby" ... even though deep down they do want advice.
If anyone wants to grow, regardless of the topic (ie. music, gardening, computer technology, etc.), you've got to get to the point that you realize you are in a learning process. No one expects you to KNOW everything, so don't pretend that you do. There's no need to posture youself in such a way that keeps you from receiving input ... so you can grow. No one likes to show their weaknesses, and for some reason take what they are working on and expect themselves (and others) to either "get it" very quickly ... or even to "already have it". It's a cultural/social thing actually, and it drives me nuts!
What anyone does is not the full embodiment of who they are. If you are learning to play an instrument, just because you don't know it all or that you are still learning (we should all be learning till we die), it doesn't mean you are stupid, weak, inferior, lacking, slow, etc. Make sense? Your identity is not (or should I say should not be) wrapped up into how you perform on an instrument. Men seem to struggle with this more than women. Men, especially when they are young, seem to often times struggle with the idea that they are somehow weak or less of a man if they take lessons, if they don't master something immediately, if they ask for help or advice, etc. Women are usually all about helping and encouraging one another.
Here's an example of what I'm talking about ...
Go to a clothing store. A woman may be looking a particular blouse, holding it up against her while standing in front of a mirror, checking to see if she likes it or not. While this is going on, a perfect stranger, who happens to also be female, walks by and says "oh, that would look nice on you ... the color really brings out your eyes." Now a man on the other hand, is at a music store checking out the drum department, tapping around a bit to see if he really wants to buy a drumkit and begin learning to play the drums. A perfect stranger, who happens to be male, walks by and says "dude, you are doing it all wrong ... it's like this!" Or the stranger doesn't say anything, but walks by, grabs a pair of drumsticks, sits down behind the kit and begins to blast away as IF to say ... "in case you were wondering, I'm really good. In fact, I'm better than you, and I know more than you do!"
So all of this to say this to you JR (
drummer1202) ... I think you see this in your band members and friends, but you are playing right along with them and doing the exact same thing. Stop it!
You are putting unrealistic expectations on yourself and the people around you. They, in turn, are doing the exact same thing to you and others. It's like you are all in this huge arena, sparring and testing one another, trying to show who knows more, who's stronger, who's better. And trying not to show that you all are in a process, you are learning, you are growing, you are working things out. This perfectionistic, posturing mentality is going to kill you all. Let it go! I've had to deal with this in myself, and continue to have to deal with it from time to time.
You've only been playing for a short time. It's been said that it takes 30 years to truly master a musical instrument. If that's true then you ALL have a long way to go ... and that's okay. It's supposed to be fun. Music isn't a competitive sport, although many work hard to make it that. It's not about winning or losing, it's about being the best you can be.
I'm not surprised that others see you as the stronger player and that you are taking it more seriously. The fact that you posted this thread is evidence of that!
I want to encourage you with this ... work on growing in humility. This is something we ALL need to work on, especially me. To me, humility is the key to getting over 99% of what you are dealing with; in your band members, in your peers, and in yourself. Develop yourself in a positive manner and you'll bring out the
best in others and yourself.
One last thing ... try to encourage the musicians you are working with to practice at HOME! You REHEARSE together; you PRACTICE at home. Don't limit yourself to just jamming or working with one guitarist and one bass player. Hang with people (musicians) who are
already doing what you want to do. This is the best way to insure that you are working with people who have the same goals and visions. A band is like a marriage ... it only works if everyone involved believes it can work and want to give 100% to the cause. Music is your hobby, as you stated, but that doesn't mean you can't give 100% towards it. When you play, practice and rehearse, give it your all ... remaining humble, but confident. Hopefully the musicians around you will see this and glean from it.
If you enjoy the company of the people you are currently working with and wish to continue playing with them, you are probably going to have to do what I've suggested in order to keep the sanity.
