DRUMMER CAFE

   thats a common graduation, from circle to class to snob......I use a local drum circle to practice various percussion "toys" to maintain the specific muscles needed, it's a great way to practice shekeree, bell, guiro.  Learning to pull a big unruly group into time, very good practice.    The african dance group is good, but since you are now feeling the constriction of that scene, have you checked out samba dance classes?  Samba is contemporary with structure but room to express.(plus beautiful dancers)  Afro/Cuban has its' own deep tradition and attitudes.  go for the fun...

Sorry to hear you are having this problem...  I kind of got some what of a start in percussion due to the fact that I wasn't as accomplished as others around me (started late) in jazz band at high school level I didn't even bother trying out for set knowing that a few of my other friends had much more skill than I so I went for the congas.  Didn't have anyone or books, etc. to learn from really- just listened to what was needed, went along with what instruction I was given and ended up really liking to play them.  Years later I made the transition to kit player, and for many years 20+, never even slapped a conga once.  I've picked it back up over the past few years nd really enjoy it much more with what informal training I have received.  I have never played in a drum circle as I imagine what it is you are describing but have started with a Capoeira group i've commented on other threads.  I am usually the only drummer with a few that sit in on a second conga here and there.  Soon we'll be adding more traditional lead instruments (Berimbau) and other percussion, tamborine and agogo bells I hope.  All in all to encourage your, at least occasional, inclusion in the cirle.  You may feel its all hectic with no guidance, etc. but there may be a few willing to learn from you.  I know that I wish I had someone to guide me more.  I enjoy the freedom of play I'm granted but I really know nothing but the basic beat to play and am told to start with that and then gradually change tempo and rhthyms. 
You'll make the right decision for yourself... eventually, possibly after changing your mind a time or two but you'll get the feel for what you need to do.  Maybe you could consider starting something up yourself and guiding perhaps fewer, more devoted participants???

One of my earliest hand drumming experiences was joining a "circle" that turned out to be an African .  Later, I had the sad experience of trying to join an outdoor african circle that included some of the same people, only to be rudely run off by a traditionalist type that had seen me jamming in drum circles, but apparently had no clue I actually knew some African stuff.  I was so offended that I went resolutely back to drum circling, and pretty much abandoned African music.  Not all drum circles are great, but occasionally they're magical.  I have also found I get lots of good practice on grooving and the better drummers in the circle community are very forthcoming with their knowledge.  I understand some Afro Cuban stuff is very traditionalist also.

Maybe the best thing would to spend a bit of time with traditionalist players to get the basic techniques and rhythms, and then go your own way when you can't stand it anymore.  ;-)