Hi,

I'm having some problems with a beginning student (age 7) and an intermediate student (age 13).  I don't have the luxury to let students go but some of them require a lot more (mental) work than I planned.

When the first lesson began with the 7 year old, he was REAL shy.  I couldn't even get him to look at me or give me an answer to any of my questions.  All I could think of was, "how am I going to get this little boy to open to me?".  I tried to make him laugh, gave him a few things to practice at home, did some end-of-lesson things with him where he would lead the game.........like "I play this and see if you can copy it".  I purposely let him win some of those games just to give him some confidence (thinking that he was shy because he lacked confidence).

After several months, he FINALLY opened up.  He laughs, he CAN talk and we can finally have conversations.  He was listening, was getting better.......it seemed like I had a break through.  I really felt good about myself.

BUT.........OMG.......his behavior is really bad now and it has progressively grown worse.  He doesn't even listen to me now.  He comes in like he's on crack, wants to play everything fast and now thinks his lessons are meant for him to go crazy.  Today was the final straw and I asked him how he would feel if one of his parents sat in on the lesson.  He automatically changed the subject.  I ended the lesson telling him that I was going to talk his parents and ask them to sit in on the lesson.  I did ask his mom earlier in the month to sit in when I noticed a change in his behavior but she couldn't because she uses the time to drop his brother and sister at their lessons (different places). 

How should I handle this kid?
1.  Talk to the parents and let them know if his behavior doesn't change I'll have to drop him?
2.  Should I ask his parents if I can tell him (my student) that is behavior is unacceptable?
3.  Try to use something in the lesson of his choice where I can use it as a reward if he acts better?  I just can't think of anything at the moment.

The 13-year old.....

I'm not really having a problem but he's pretty stubborn and he's real good for his age.  Unfortunately, the way he holds his sticks is just not right.  BUT.......he can play, he plays a real clean buzz roll, everything he plays doesn't sound bad, it just looks REAL bad. 

He doesn't want to change the way he holds his sticks.  He's pretty adamant about that. 

Even though he can execute certain things cleanly, I have a feeling his technique could potentially lead to some bad hand problems.  But there's no way I can prove that. 

Should I make/force him change his hand technique?

cc

Involve the parents!

As a private teacher, you don't have the same curtailments that we sometimes do in public education (document, document, document), but you still need to follow the guidelines of a professional. Mostly, remain calm, set clear expectations and stick to them, be fair and consistent, mix praise with constructive criticism ( the "you have raw talent now develop it" line is great).

Thanks guys for the great information. 

I had to send an email to the parents today because they never return my calls.  I'm hoping they'll work with me on this and not take it as an insult towards their child.

cc

This thread is excellent.

We should use this thread - or a separate thread - for continued, general discussion of Teaching.    I'd benefit greatly from the dialog.   [Only have 1 student - my son - but I certainly understand that playing doesn't necessarily mean one can teach, and experienced dialog on the subject is very helpful.]

I'm finding my son is impatient.  [he got it from his Dad.    ] 
I find myself giving the speech Often about - putting in the time to build things up
to speed, and rushing to faster speeds will really lead to nothing but slower learning and sloppy playing.   I just keep trying to tell him that if he just keeps regularly putting in the time, the fun factor can grow exponentially.   I almost feel bad for him.  If I could snap my fingers and get him skipped beyond the basics, I'd love to do it for him, but
we all know there's no shortcut, especially at this point.  Just gotta - Do The Time.

I'm at least trying to keep it fun with mixing exercises along with his exploration.
I'll hear him put on a song and just keep hammering at it - sloppy, but exploring.
I don't cut that off - I'm sure it's fun for him, and I can literally Hear him improving
as the minutes pass.  As long as that's not 100% of his work. 

I just hope he can have the Discipline.  He absolutely has some natural ability,
and he loves music.  I'd Love for him to find the Joy that can be had by
making music.  It's a pretty awesome joy.

Kewl!   

Not at all - it's all great stuff.  Excellent post.

I have been getting my son to do a couple of things you mentioned: break it into smaller pieces, and show the reps.  He'll try to cheat on the reps.     

"See Dad, I have that - listen."
Try 1 - oops.
Try 2 - oops.
Try 3 - he does it.
"Ok, now let me hear it 4 times in a row, without stopping, without hesitating, without breaking time at all."
Grin on son's face.
"Ok son, see you later."
Closing the door behind me to let him - Do The Time.



The good news is:  don't we all wish our day jobs were equivalent to Doing The Time musically.   Learning an instrument is work, but it's the best kind of work.
Sure beats what most of us spend our day doing.

Jim, thanks for the book suggestion. That sounds right up my alley; I'm going to pick up a copy!

You're welcome.  I use it all day long.  I'm a remedial reading teacher teaching the kids who are less then happy learning to read.  My groups are 5-6 kids.  If a group is off on a day or particularly noisy due to vacations, weather, assembly, whatever, all I have to do is give one positive comment to one kid and the whole entire group changes instantly.   Learn the technique and you can use it on anyone at anytime.    Good luck!!!!

Jim P

Scott,

That's a great idea.  No one would schedule a lesson if they weren't going to be home.  The parent can pop in as often as they like while doing housework, cooking dinner, whatever and if you need to step out of the room to get the parent for any reason they are right there.  Good advice!!!!

Jim P

Hey guys,
I'm actually new to the forum and am loving reading all of these threads! I've been teaching privately now for 4 years, 2 days a week -- outside of my "regular" work. I love the teaching and find that it keeps me up-to-date and helps me tremendously when playing gigs.

Anyways, to your issues.
1) I, personally, try not to take students under the age of 9 for private drum lessons -- that's me --- I just find the maturity level and attention span aren't there yet. I know it's a generalization, and there will be younger kids ready, but that's what works for me. If I'm contacted by a parent for a younger student, I generally suggest one of the many programs out there for young kids -- KinderMusik, etc.
2) I always give an initial "trial" lesson to make sure that it's a good fit from both sides.
3) I give introductory documentation -- that the parent signs off on -- explaining clearly what the expectations of the lessons are. Students are given practice "homework" that they are expected to complete by the next lesson. If they don't and this happens consistently (usually 3 times), then I'll speak to the parents about their commitment level. I make it clear that I will not hesitate to cancel the lessons if the commitment level isn't there.
4) 5-minute gaps: I try to leave 5-minute gaps between students to speak to the parent who is picking up --- I find this regular rapport is invaluable.
5) Regular (once every 2 months) home visits for in-home lesson to include drum setup, tuning, and so on.

I hope this is helpful! Good luck, Dan