Alcoholism

[bonejoyII]

It's taken me quite a while to realize that I'm an alcoholic (this isn't as joke)...  I have a serious drink problem. :(

Any of you been where I am?  How did you deal with it?

[DRWM]

That, my friend is the first step toward recovery, admitting you have a problem.

Get yourself into a support group.  It will be tough, hang in there.

You don't have to drink to have a good time, or to function for that matter.  Good luck.

[mudpuppy]

BonejoyII,
This is a desease and must be treated as such. You must get proper assistance to beat it but know this ... IT CAN BE DONE. My wifes father and brother were in this situation, both extremely intelligent well spoken people. My father-in-law died from it. My brother-in-law had to be sent to a residential treatment center. He, it seems, is on the road to recovery. But not before it destroyed his marrage and many other things in his life. But his problem was that, for a number of years, he refused to admit that he was afflicted and as a result, did not receive proper treatment. You on the other hand have recognized that you need treatment. There are a great deal of support professionals and recovering people out there waiting to assist you with your difficulty. Take advantage of their experience and expertise and you CAN AND WILL GET BETTER!!! My most sincere best wishes...
MP

[Dave Heim]

Good luck, bonejoyII.  I feel as though congratulations are in order.  You're about to start a healthy recovery process, and that is truly commendable.

Moderators: would this thread be better in the Health section so it gets archived?

[bonejoyII]

Thanks.  It's taken me over six months to accept that I have a problem with it.  The turmoil that I'm in is that I think the social stigma of being an alcoholic would end my marriage.  I don't think my wife could accept it.  My wife isn't happy about the amount I drink, but I'm very secretive with my drinking., and she isn't really aware of the extent of my drinking.  If I told her I had joined a support group, I think it would only push her further away.  Basically, I have to do this on my own for the sake of my marriage and family, but I have been struggling for a few months now and am slowly getting worse....I'm finding it hard.

[Dave Heim]

These are difficult issues.  Perhaps you could discreetly get to one or two meetings of a support group and get some advice on the best way to deal with your particular situation.  

If not a face-2-face support meeting, there may be a number you can call so you can just talk with professionals about how to best handle things.

[Chip Donaho]

I drank heavy for a number of years....Then I got to the point I didn't like what I was becoming. Just like the people I didn't like. I rarely ever drink anymore. Very little....I just told myself, "That's it!"....Then took control of my own actions. I quit playing in bands that drink heavy. The band I play with now the leader belongs to AA. He recognized what he was doing to himself and got help....So I'm proud of what I did on my own with nothing but gutts and a strong desire to quit.... I now go to a band gig and have one drink. Then I cut myself off. Sometimes I think I do that just to test myself? It takes real control to do that. I've had many friends who've destroyed their lives. Four of them died at a young age. Plus my father in law, and my cousin died from booze....I put my money in my drums and my family motocross racing. I now make money in the bars instead of spend it back to them. I take my band money and put it back in my gear. I can now see where my money made playing goes. I couldn't always say that. Only "YOU" can do it. All the talking and meetings in the world won't do it unless "YOU" want to....Just take control for your own actions and stop.... I once again like myself. I once again respect "Chip".... You can do it too. Positive thinking and determination is what it takes. Don't make New Years Eve the last time you drink....Make it the first time you don't. That's the way I now think....   ;)   I wish you the best and have a wonderful 2005 without the booze.    8)

[Mister Acrolite]

The turmoil that I'm in is that I think the social stigma of being an alcoholic would end my marriage.  I don't think my wife could accept it.  My wife isn't happy about the amount I drink, but I'm very secretive with my drinking., and she isn't really aware of the extent of my drinking.  If I told her I had joined a support group, I think it would only push her further away.  

I think you may be surprised - she may be one of your best sources of support if you admit your problem to her. I've seen several marriages end because one person wouldn't admit or address their drinking problem, but I've never seen somebody leave their spouse because they admitted they needed help.

This is hard, serious stuff, but it's a good thing you're addressing it now, before it's too late. Good luck. Educate yourself on your support-group and addiction-control options, and make this your top priority.

[Chip Donaho]

If I told her I had joined a support group, I think it would only push her further away.  Basically, I have to do this on my own for the sake of my marriage and family, but I have been struggling for a few months now and am slowly getting worse....I'm finding it hard.

That happened to a friend. His wife was embarrased and left him. Only you know your wife better than anyone. I felt that this friends wife would have left him anyway. She was just looking for an excuse and used that as her way out. It is hard....But YOU can do it. If I did it so can you.... Let your achievments be your desire. I've got faith in YOU because you're here admitting it to some of the best friends you could ask for. You can control it with positive thinking.   ;)

[Roger Beverage]

Been there, done that.  AA saved my life.  The first marriage was already gone.  Going for help cost me a girlfriend but she is still drunk and I am 10+years sober.  

Go to a meeting and put yourself in their hands.

Roger

[Stewart Manley]

...I have to do this on my own for the sake of my marriage and family, but I have been struggling for a few months now and am slowly getting worse....I'm finding it hard.

I have to be blunt here, and please understand I am not doubting your own personal strength.

You cannot do this on your own. You need the support of a group and of your loved ones. Without it you will fail. This is a progressive illness, and the depths to which you will stoop for a drink and the effect it will have on all you love will be disastrous.

Alcoholism killed my mother at the age of 53. If you need a fright to get you on the path, PM me and I will see if I can manage to relate the circumstances of her death. It will be hard for me, and I certainly won't do it in public, but if it will help you I'll see what I can do.

[smoggrocks]

i have something of an addictive personality, but luckily i get way too sick if i drink past a certain amount. i can't stand the aftermath, so i don't push it. but i know many, many people and have had two boyfriends who were alcoholic. it can be a devastating thing.

you are really brave for confronting this and i agree that your wife may in the end turn out to be a good source of support. i'm not guaranteeing that, but if she doesn't like that you drink, she may stand behind you to see you stop. i hope so.

there are so many resources out there to help you help yourself. it's a tough road, but you're a tough guy, so you can change if you want to.

i wish you the best and hope your family will stand beside you.

[bonejoyII]

Thanks for all the advice everybody.  I'm genuinely ovwerwhelmed by your support.  This is a really helpful thread, and Moose, I wouldn't want to put you through any pain of reliving past events.  Just the account above is enough of an incentive where family are concerned.

Thanks everybody...

[Vintage Ludwig]

Hey Bonejoy-CONGRATULATIONS!  Admitting you may have a problem is the first step in the recovery process.  Nurture your relationships with family and friends for support, and look into AA for help.  It works.  Addiction of numerous sorts run strong in my family.  Its nothing to be embarrassed about-youd be surprised how many of us have that problem in our family tree (like almost everyone).  Addiction can be too much of anything w/o the ability to stop.  Booze, drugs, drums, cars, sex, porn, etc......
I was addicted to heroin and cocaine for nearly 10 years.  Some of my past associations are now doing time-some are doing life w/o parole.  I wont bore you with the details, but for me my life changed one day when I realized the hurt, pain, lack of trust, embarrassment etc. that I had caused my family and friends who really gave a crap about me.  I spent nearly 100k of my own money trying to get clean thru rehab centers.  THEY DONT WORK!  THERE IS NO CURE FOR ADDICTION.  I simply woke up one day and realized that if I didnt do something I WOULD END UP DEAD.  And that hit me like an Ali jab-in short, its all up to you man.  Nobody else and no amount of money will straighten you out.  Its all on you.  But you will be astounded at how much support you will recieve from family and people you dont even know.  As a result of my personal tribulations, I now do as much charity help to various groups, to help the addicted, those in prison for drug related non-violent offenses, and homelessness.  I look back every once in awhile at what I threw away for frikkin dope just as a reminder.  And Im very thankful that I got my act together, landed a 6 figure paying job, happily married and basically have what I want in life.  YOU CAN DO IT TOO-
GOOD LUCK MAN.

[William Leslie]

Having worked in a detox unit for a number of years, I know there is no cure for it. Admitting you have the problem is your first step. Becoming involved with a group cn=an be a great next step, and realizing you have to take it one day at a time can get you on the right track. I have a close friend that has been sober for about thirty years and he will tell you it is a long tough rode to travel. It will take all your strength and the understanding of your family and friends to help you on that road. It can be a bi**h on your health, so act fast as you can, Good Luck.

[smoggrocks]

Its nothing to be embarrassed about-...
I was addicted to heroin and cocaine for nearly 10 years... As a result of my personal tribulations, I now do as much charity help to various groups, to help the addicted, those in prison for drug related non-violent offenses, and homelessness... YOU CAN DO IT TOO-
GOOD LUCK MAN.

wow, quicksfoot -- what an inspiration you are! i haven't known many folks that bounced back from heroin, unfortunately. fantastic story.

i guess it's ok to say i had a mean coke habit in the 80s. so did everyone else, but i was dating a dealer and it made things so much easier and harder. i really put my folks through hell. i did like you and picked myself up after 1)getting rushed to the hospital 2)seeing my mom cry over me in the hospital bed. for me, it's always harder knowing i've hurt someone else more than i've hurt myself. :-\

chills.

[Vintage Ludwig]

I hear you.  Most of the folks I knew who were running at the time I was are either in prison, dead, or god knows where.  But I couldnt have done it w/o my family (mainly mom) and support from n/a and c/a and fellow addicts.  My heroin addiction came from blow really-I would snort a bit to nod off after being up for 5 or 6 days.  What a roller coaster ride that was.  But, the one person who helped me the most was my mother.  I get pretty emotional thinking about all of this-lest I never forget........

[Danno]

A.A. goes to pretty great lengths to insure your anonymity, so there's no social stigma involved in attending their meetings, because no one knows you're there unless you tell them that's where you're going.

[ben]

It's taken me quite a while to realize that I'm an alcoholic (this isn't as joke)...  I have a serious drink problem. :)

You can only change what you choose to acknowledge and accept.

I'd like to express my deepest admiration for this big step you just did. Thank you for being another human who decided to be real to himself and face things as they are. Authenticity and humility are very valuable qualities... and sometimes the hardest to express.

I discovered that life is a matter of choices and each and every of these choices have consequences...

There are consequences to face by admitting your drinking problem (as it is, without minimizing it) and there are consequences to face by choosing to close your eyes on it.

Getting real with yourself is the only way to inner peace and happiness. Don't even think about the people around you in your decision to admit your drinking problem... You're the one who's suffering and only you can take the decision to take care of that drinking problem. The people that loves you for who you truly are will stick by you no matter what.

I believe that life's telling you something to help you grow as a human being... It's up to you to listen with your heart.

Good luck.

[DRWM]

Hey bonejoyII,

How are you doing?  Have you been able to get some family support?  I hope you are well.