Drummer Cafe Forum

LOUNGE => General Board => Topic started by: Spikedrumeister on July 16, 2002, 04:26 PM

Title: Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: Spikedrumeister on July 16, 2002, 04:26 PM
 :( hey guys, i have freinds who tell me im amazing ion drums and that really helps me, but then like wanna my best freinds is like a guitarist and he is very good, i tell him this and i know ill help him, but hes to proud a kid to admit im as good at my instrument as he is at his, he never compliments me bu in front of my face will say that e.g "james is a very very good drummer, hes very techical, " ijust think, you dont know what technichal is!! heis basically not helpin me in my quest for music, im helpin him, hes just to proud, anyone else got this problem, this can lead to me actually thinkin im crap then not being able to play infront of people, does everyone else out there say thier good, surelty if you think your better youll play better.

Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: Carn on July 16, 2002, 04:31 PM
im having a really hard time understanding what you just poster there  ???
Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: Mark Schlipper on July 16, 2002, 06:53 PM
so what your saying is ... your guitarist doesnt back you up.  doesnt encourage you with compliments, as you do him.  and in general he doesnt seem capable of thinking you will ever be as good on drums as he is on guitar.  right?

pride can suck.  everyone needs enough self confidence in to get outta bed and work to achieve goals.  but it can get away from you.  personally i cant take a compliment.  and im my own worst critic.  for me, acknowledging quality in my work is asking for complacency.  (i.e. if im good, i dont need to improve) but to be honest, having people think im good is a bit of a boost :)

id say let it go.  hes being a bit of a jerk, but thats probably due to his own insecurities as a player.  if hes a friend keep doing your part, and maybe he'll get the picture.  in the end youre opinion of yourself matters most.  

and be sure you can handle creative criticism.  many people cant (whether or not they think they can).  it can sound insulting, but sometimes its just honesty.  i played a kind of risky solo percussion show a while back and this one acquaintance was keeping his mouth shut about it.  i told him, look, i want honesty.  so he was honest.  to paraphrase him: "i didnt really dig it, all in all it seemed like you had some neat ideas,  but didnt really know how to but them together into something cohesive.  it lacked focus." and that was the best review i got all night.  he was right.  so learn how to dish it out, and take it.  

good luck.
Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: felix on July 17, 2002, 06:05 AM
Awesome...you are a great drummer.  Now you can start paying attention in English and start becoming a well rounded artist.
Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: BAnimalG on July 17, 2002, 06:53 AM
Felix, you are so bad!   ;D
Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: MVanDoren1 on July 17, 2002, 07:34 AM

Just hang in there man.  I know of a lot of different people, have studied some psychology, etc. et.c etc..  No big deal really its just that some people aren't comfortable with compliments- getting them and some even with giving them.  Maybe he DOES have an exaggerated opinion of himself, maybe he's more the quiet type.  I'm not saying this to suggest anything of anyone in particular but you know him to be really great- some people express themselves using whatever instrument as an outlet while they may not be so expressive (or supportive) personally.  Of course that isn't true of all musicians- many are expressive freely with their music because it mirrors whats inside them as well.
Like I said though- just hang in their- especially when you've got other people who do support you- those people can't all be off their rockers in their opinion of you and your abilities.  Just because one really important person to you doesn't say mush DON'T ignore all those other people- be humble in spirit but play (no pun intended) from the from the joy that is created in their opinion of you.  MOST IMPORTANTLY- play from what is within you grasshopper ;)

Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: Bart Elliott on July 17, 2002, 07:58 AM
I'm going to be blunt ... so if you don't want my opinion, which I believe to be the truth ... don't read this post.

Who cares what other people say or think? If you are "amazing" as you say, it sounds like you don't need anyone puffing you up anymore than you already are! Just because someone doesn't stroke you doesn't mean they are "under motivating" or "putting you down". They are probably doing you a favor by not encouraging the "look at me" mentality.

You've got to get to the point that YOUR identity is NOT based on what other people say or think. You need to know your own strengths and/or weaknesses ... and seek the comments from those individuals who will tell you the truth and provide encouraging words. Stroking and encouraging are two very different things in my book. Maybe you are amazing ... but your friends are clueless as to what that really is. Maybe your guitar player friend isn't as amazing as you think ... and he can't recognize where you are at either.

I'm guessing you are a teenager ... which means that you are at an age where what your peers think weighs heavily on how you see yourself. You need to stop thinking like that ... if I'm right.

So I'm not slamming you, but wanting to encourage you to forget thinking and worrying what others think or say. Be the best you can be. Practice, play, hang out with other musicians who are already doing what you want to do. Worrying that someone doesn't recognize your greatness is a sign of insecurity ... and perhaps you are desiring more recognition than you really deserve right now.
Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: Jazzman on July 17, 2002, 09:11 PM
Whoa.....Barty........you the man!  I agree with you all the way.  I had a boss one time tell me "If your good your watched"

Let me put it this way, not to bust a bubble either.

1. Practice your butt off..........all of the time.  You only get out what you put in, and based on the Laws of Physics, even less.

2. Some of your friends may not understand what a good drummer sounds like either.  Just because you have a cool set, hit the skins and can carry a beat, doesn't mean that you are great from the eyes of a better drummer.  You might be the best on the block, but don't cross the street.  

I've heard comments from my own son about one of his friends stating "This guy is a great guitar player"....................to whom??  I thought he was OK but not that great.  But I wouldn't hurt others feelings, because I remember how I started too.  

3. Be humble, don't worry about the other folks. Do your best all of the time.  If your good then the ata-boys will follow.  You have some good friends and encourgement is always welcome from them to you and from you to them.

Don't let the other folks in the band distract you from your primary purpose and that is to have fun drumming.....That's it!

Just be yourself, listen and learn.  (And stick around here too)

Just my 2 cents worth........

Jazzman 8)
Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: Kevin Gaines on July 17, 2002, 10:32 PM

1000% Ditto !
Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: accusonic on July 18, 2002, 11:38 AM
Since when does a guitar player's opinion matter about ANYTHING????
Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: Big Yummy on July 18, 2002, 12:55 PM
If you don't like spending time with your guitarist, don't.  Seriously.
Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: search64 on July 18, 2002, 01:10 PM
Ow Bart, you're so politically correct.  ;D

My opinion; since I never get compliments (that's for a good reason  ;)) I strive to better all the time. Knowing myself, if someone would say; "hey you're awesome". I'd probably shy away, and probably practice less.  :o
Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: BO733 on July 18, 2002, 05:37 PM
I wanted to write a whole lot about this; but why?


p.s. be your own friend ;)
Title: Re:Under motivating freinds and put down
Post by: BlackEvovii on July 18, 2002, 05:44 PM
Good points Bart.  It could also be the fact that, this guitarist, like i said, i think, was his best friend?  Well, i had a really good friend(or so i thought) who was an amazing guitarist.  I always wanted to be around him and when id call him and get the run around, i felt pretty bad.  So, in some ways, he just wants recognition from him...but yes, screw what others think.  If you know you're good, good.

If you get compliments from others, besides the guitarist, focus around those to become even better.